Surprised that the first week after you left me, I was a lump of mess.

I didn't know what to do with my life.

I didn't know where to go.

I didn't know what awaited me.

I didn't know how to go on anymore.

It's because you were my motivation to carry on living, facing the future.

When you left me, everything just came crashing down on me.

What I believed in, forever, was just a lie.

You made me see forever, and you made me lose sight of it.

Fast forward 50 days later.

I'm still living, but barely.

Every moment that I lay around idle without something to do, I think about you.

I remember all those times we shared.

It all comes back to hurt me.

It hurts me at the places where it hurts the most.

The happiness we once shared becomes the pain that I take alone.

Even now, I still feel so bitter and down in the dumps.

I really hate that guy a lot.

I hate him to the guts.

I RESENT him.

I really want to beat him up.

I don't even know if you're happy with him.

At times, you seem to be, and that makes me die inside.

At times, you don't, and that makes me die inside too.

I don't know what to do, what to think and what to believe.

Sometimes, what you say makes me feel like I have hope.

Hope to have you back again.

But deep inside, I know I already lost everything.

The light inside me has already died, and I merely live for the sake of living.

I don't have hope, nor do I have anything to believe in anymore.

I just feel that I want to wait.

Wait for a miracle that will never happen.

When you're not online on MSN/Facebook, and not in school.

I think a lot.

Are you with that guy?

What are you doing with him now?

Are you sharing with him all the secrets you should have shared with me?

Are you giving him the warmth that should have been for me?

Are you holding his hands, like you held mine, which made me feel wanted in this world?

Are you giving him courage, like you had given me?

Another question comes to mind.

Why aren't you studying?

Maybe you are, and maybe I just don't know.

I just hope you are working hard for O levels.

It's a large turning point in your life.

I don't want you to have any regrets.

I know true love is to wish the girl I love most in my life, you, to be happy.

Even if it isn't me who is making you happy.

Even if I'm the one who has to busk in this endless pain and torture every day.

Even if I'm the one who has to cry every night for you.

I'd rather it be me, than you.

I'm still contemplating if I should send you a message of encouragement.

I don't know whether you'll bother reading it.

I don't know whether you'll care.

I don't know whether you'll listen.

I don't know whether you hate me.

I'm so afraid of the unknown, yet scared of the painful truth.

Someone, give me an answer.