To tell the truth, 2011 is probably the worst year of my life up till now.

Many things happened this year.

First and foremost, moving from secondary school to polytechnic.

I admit the change was rather... unnerving, but I wasn't really scared of it.

It was a turning point in my life, and I was looking forward to it.

Sure enough, I got into a pretty interesting class.

I always do, I get into the weirdest of classes, meet the weirdest people in the batch.

I guess it's affinity, and I really want to believe that it is fate.

Well, I won't be so daring as to say that I have good affinity with people, but it's really cool.

The bad thing about polytechnic?

There's no one there who understands even a quarter of me.

No one can peek into my brain, my heart, my thoughts.

I spend lesser time with my lovely friends who are like family to me.

I spend lesser time doing what I really want to do.

I spend lesser time with my family.

Second event that changed my life?

Breaking up with the one girl that I thought I would spend my whole life with.

Well, she WAS the first girl that I really dated and put my feelings into.

It was a.. bittersweet experience.

The aftermath... was devastating.

I really did all sorts of things.

I got drunk everyday.

I cried every night when I woke up from sweet dreams that seemed so surreal, just to face the bitter reality.

Crying?

I never really knew I could cry until it happened.

It destroyed me, and tore apart my mind from the inside.

I felt a demon growing inside of me.

It was just whispering, "leave this place".

Admittedly, I tried cutting myself, and the scars are still there.

I was dumb, but I sort of understood why people cut themselves.

To distract themselves from the mental anguish, with physical pain.

I got over it soon enough, after.. what, 30 or 40 days?

The only thing I could never understand was what went wrong.

Anddddd, how she could ever possibly get a new guy the day we broke up.

Made me feel like all she ever did, said, showed and shared was just a lie.

The weird part? I believe it was all just a lie.

But that's all behind me now, I mean, it's not worth getting sad over someone who threw me aside when she had no more use for me.

I only regret wasting so much money on her.

The funny thing is, even while saying all these, I remain calm.

Something I could never be 3 months ago.

That's all the bad shit, but what's the good thing that happened to me?

I experienced for myself the bite of love.

It bit me, hard.

I don't believe in it, anymore.

But there's no need for that.

I can get along without it just fine.

Just as I have lost the ability to despair.

Seems like the event really hit a switch inside me.

Something that was just lying down in wait, the demon inside me.

Besides all that bullshit, good things have happened too.

I understood more about life.

I understood myself better.

I got to know people who were really worth getting to know.

I became closer with people who drifted away from me.

I became closer with my family.

I have more time for myself.

I have more money for myself, which is always a good thing.

I can think clearer.

Lots of learning points, to actually sum it up.

After all, life isn't complete without disasters and failures in life.

The only thing to do is get over them.

Takes time, but gets us over them.

As for me, I'm just glad that no one can see the depths of my hearts yet.

Honestly, I'm not what I appear to be on the outside.

Sometimes, it's really ironic that I want someone to understand me, yet, I don't want anyone to see the real me.

In 2 days, I say good bye to 2011 and hope that 2012 will be a better year.

Questions abound are just part of the puzzle called life.